One of the many symptoms of M.E. is recurring infections/viruses such as shingles. I’m in the middle of a bout of shingles at the moment. I’m guessing that they are usually fairly mild cases normally. I’m having a difficult time with this one though, I’ve been in pain for about three days so far and on constant painkillers and here I am again in the early hours unable to sleep because of the pain. I just got up and got some more food which is lethal for my weight but at times like this comfort eating is literally that, comfort and it helps the pain and helps me sleep. It also helps to pass the time waiting for the latest dose of painkillers to work which is what I am doing now. Writing this, whilst eating, whilst waiting for the painkillers I just took to work. This is what a lot of people don’t realise about M.E., what they don’t get. We’re not just ‘tired’ or even ‘exhausted’, we have a whole range of symptoms to choose from. I joined a group recently called Poets Against Atos and the co ordinator as a writing exercise suggested writing a poem with a few verses, each verse dedicated to a symptom of our particular illness. I’m no poet but I can turn out a rhyme or two and this is what I came up with:
I have M.E.
Hemmed in trapped by clothes
Panic rising like a flock of crows
Shopping is a complete nightmare
When muscle weakness keeps you in a chair
Awake again, pains in my leg
I’ve given up trying to beg
For any kind of relief once I feel the tingles
Of my recurring virus, this time shingles
Two thousand books sitting on my shelving
Inviting, made for delving
But my love of reading I can no longer sate
My mind is jumbled, I can’t concentrate
Doubled over, stomach cramp
Forehead with pain hot and damp
When it arrives is anyones guess
Day ruined by IBS
The band is playing but I can’t go
I would love to see that show
But I won’t be seeing that particular bill
Sight and sound intolerance make me ill
Oh look at that recipe must give it a try
Fruit in the garden, apple pie
But dessert passes in a painful haze
As I suffer from post exertional malaise
I talk to my friends at 3 am
But of course that’s daytime to them
And no it’s no use counting sheep
It doesn’t solve my inability to sleep
One of the hardest things to bear
Is feeling bad for those who care
Not the most pleasant of things
Dealing with my mood swings
Once the owner of a rather sharp mind
I’m now getting left behind
I feel I’m in perdition
With my lack of functioning cognition
Won’t talk on the phone, won’t visit a friend
Oh the excuses, they never end
But imagine constant flu, never well
That’s my life of living hell.
The funny thing is, I’d actually forgotten I’d written this a couple of hours ago until I started writing about symptoms in my blog right now. Haha, bit of syncronicity there!
I really hope I am going to be well enough for the photography course on Friday. I kind of feel I am flailing around in the dark a bit with the settings etc on the camera and could really use some guidance.
I love how the colours of the robin really match his background here.
Bottoms up! This was taken on a really misty day.
Still waiting for the pain to go. Hmmm… I wonder how many people choose fried tofu as their comfort food of choice at times like this!! Very moreish….